Bebe Akinboade
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ANGEL OF DEATH
Death came to a guy and said: “my friend today is your day” and the guy said: “but I am not ready” and death said: “well you’re next on my list. So the guy told death: “ok why don’t you take a seat and I will get you something to eat before we go”, and death said “alright then”.
The guy gave death some food with sleeping pills in it, death finished eating and fell asleep and the guy removed his name from top of the list to the bottom of the list so when death woke up he said to the guy: “I will start from the bottom of the list cause you have been so nice to me”

THREE GUYS AND A GIRL
‎‎Three guys were introduced to a girl:
Hi ,I’m Peter, not a Saint.
Hi, I’m Paul, not a Pope.
I’m John, not a Baptist.
The girl said “Hi …I’m Mary, not a Virgin!

A BOY AND A GIRL
‎Boy: Hi
Girl: What?
Boy: How are you?
Girl: Do I know you?
Boy: Hmm….no ….but I’m rich…
Girl: Really? Ok, hi, I’m Nana, but you can call me baby. I’m 20.I live in Port Harcourt but schooling at Lead City University. I love short dark guys, especially someone like you. I’m glad to meet you.
Boy: No, no,”Rich” is my name
Girl: (Hiss) Abeg ,abeg….. I don’t talk to strangers.

FAMILY MEETING
Phone bill was exceptionally high
Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone; I use the one at the office.
Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone
Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile
Maid: So what is the problem? We all use our work telephones (no be here I dey work?)

BRIDE AND GROOM
‎During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer:
“Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I’m supposed to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that out.”
He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.
On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom’s vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said: “Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?”
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, “Yes,” then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: “I thought we had a deal.”
The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom’s hand and whispered: “She made me a better offer.”

NIGERIAN WOMEN AND THEIR OVERSABI ATTITUDE
Just imagine, Nigerian women and their oversabi attitude
1.Sylvia says….Waiter…,please I like my SALAD very hot. Also, can I’ve 2 bottles of SHAWARMA?
2. Nneka says…..Ore mi give me your PIN lemme call you.
3. Mabel says…. I’m so tired; I just made my hair in shoprite
4.Rejoice replies……Really?? I want to spend my summer in London this xmas period.
5. Cynthia explains…….I Just bought my blackberry but I haven’t collected d PIN.
6. Kelechi brags……When I’m flying, I always like the window seat because I open it for fresh air.
7. Chinwe says…… I prefer London to UK during winter.
8. Chioma says…….Hmmm,u cant even imagine, I just bought a g-string, and the thing I like most about it is the back pocket
9.Akunna orders…. Please if you don’t have meat pie, doughnuts or Scotch egg, just give me snacks.
10. Amaka laments…..in our house eh, we use to have 3 pools, until armed robbers stole one.

A MAN ESCAPES FROM PRISON
‎A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife:
“Listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck.” If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.”
To which his wife responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!

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